Pressure

• Dad

So I ate dinner with my dad on Sunday night, and all he could talk about was getting into a language program at a university, especially the one that my cousin has a friend working there. To be honest, I'm happy where I am. I feel like I'm being pressured into doing this because this is what he wants me to do. I don't think I can do this. I'm happy where I'm at. I'm actually working really hard to learn the language, and the teachers are really engaging. The thing that hurt me the most was that he said that I was "playing around." Actually, I'm not. If this is how I want to learn, I'll do it this way. I don't want to be pressured to do something just because of the sake of getting a certificate from an university. I think this is what got me into trouble in the first place when I went to college, which was going for the sake of getting a degree. Don't get me wrong... I'm thankful that my parents pushed me to keep going and finish, but if I were to do it all over again, I think I would have done things differently. I'm tired of being stressed out because of school. It seriously had taken a toll on me, and if I were to go back to that situation right now, I don't think I'd make it. I'm actually tired of trying to plan out my future. For right now, I will do things the way I see fit. I'm open to suggestion, but don't stuff it down my throat.

• Visa

I went to get my alien registration card yesterday. I basically screwed up on my route getting there, so it took me about an hour before I got to the Koto-ku ward office. I was able to safely get it, but the card won't be issued until Dec 10. I have a feeling Dec is going to be very busy. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Cooking class!

I was walking around Ginza earlier when I came across this cooking school called ABC cooking school. I was thinking that this was exactly what I was looking for! So, with my bad Japanese, I try to communicate with the poor girl who was trying vigorously to get me to understand their program. Actually, I talked to at least 5 girls.... I finally was able to understand what they're program was after like 30 minutes.... I felt so bad for all the girls I was talking to because I could barely understand what they were saying, but they were all really nice and gave me the pamphlets. I won't be able to sign up until I get my alien registration card. When I do, I'm going to sign up right away. I want to take at least two classes per month. I think the total is going to come out to be about a little over 1000 USD. I hope my mom is okay with that as it is her money. I'm just so excited that I found this place. I feel like this is the perfect time to learn how to cook. They have a wide variety of recipes per month. Also, they give out the recipes they teach, so that you can make it at home too. This give me all the motivation to apply for my alien registration card within the next few day, but first I need to make sure that everyone is clear that I am not going to Taiwan... I can feel the storm coming.

Anyway, I think no matter what, I'm going to get my alien registration. I really want to take these cooking classes. Though I will only go for 2 times a month, I think it'll really help my cooking. Man, I can't keep my excitement!!!!

P.S. I bought a cute belt. Hopefully my pants will stay up...

Things....

I probably won't be able to sleep for a while as there are a lot of things on my mind at the moment. So, I'm just going to sit here and rant everything out so that I will become tired and hopefully sleep better.

• VISA
  

First thing on my churning in my small brain is the whole situation of going to Taiwan. I know I'm already pessimistic about the whole situation as my dad doesn't listen to me at all. He has it stuck in his head that he can find a way for me to go to Taiwan. Here's the deal. I can't go out of the country. Here's the list:

1. I won't be able to get my pre-college visa in time to return to Japan. If I go out of Japan, I'll have to get my visa at a Japanese embassy outside the country. Usual turnaround time for getting a visa is a week. I'm going to be in either Hong Kong or Taiwan only for a few days. There's no way that I'll be able to get my visa in time to come back to the US.

2. I can't obtain a entry permit in time to go out of the country. Actually the "in time" is more like "can't obtain one period." Although I will have my actual visa in my passport at the end of the year, school will not issue a re-entry coupon to me because I won't be considered a student on the visa until Jan 8th, 2010.

So, I'm actually going to be stuck in Japan. I know that there's going to be a huge showdown on this whole visa issue. I'm not looking forward to arguing with my dad on this whole issue that it's not possible for me to go. He's not going to believe me. I don't think in my entire life he's believed me once. I've already warned school that he might call on this issue. I can see it coming.... All I can say is... BRING IT.

• Taiwanese people

This is another topic on my head for a long while. I get angry whenever I talk about it. I was naive when I first visited, but now that two years have passed and I look back at the situation, they made a fool out of me. They will forever make a fool out of me. To the people in Taiwan, I'm an actual laughing stock. Here's why:

1. I suck at reading, writing, and speaking Chinese. So what if I use bad grammar and what not. At least I can speak it, write a little something, and read some simple stories after learning 3 years. It's funny how they learn English since grade school, yet they can't utter a single word. Who's the better human now?

2. I have a Hong Kong accent when I speak Mandarin. Now this one hurts. So what if I have a Hong Kong accent. My mother taught me, so it's only proper that I have a Hong Kong accent. Anyway, Taiwanese Mandarin isn't the correct accent. Go live in China and see who's the laughing stock then?

3. I was born and raised in America. My god, can we get any more insulting? There are lots of Chinese being born in America. Why does it matter? Is it because you want to show superiority that you were born and raised in Taiwan? Let me tell you something, about half the people I talk to think the grass is greener in America.

4. I love both parents equally. Now here's something you don't see everyday. At first I didn't get why people asked this question, but the more I think about it, it's because they want me to say that I love my dad more. Why? Because they have the worst image of my mother.

5. Everything is my mother's fault. I'll just list out the reasons:
a. She's Cantonese
b. She decided to stay in America and raise her children in America
c. She can't speak the Taiwanese way of speaking Mandarin
d. She didn't take care of my dad
e. She didn't want to raise her kids in Taiwan
f. She's the reason why my dad became ill with what we think is cancer
g. She's the reason why I became ill because she gave me too much stress and pressure

Come on peoples. None of these reasons are valid reasons to hate my mother, especially the last one. If anything, I blame myself for getting myself sick. I knew my health, yet I decided to pressure myself. It was my own doing. However, the biggest thing that makes me sick is that because they hate my mother, they look down upon me.... Can I say loser?

6. I can't speak Taiwanese. If anyone is to blame, it wouldn't be my dad. Go find him and blame him, not me. Not my mother. Dude, my dad is no angel. Come on.

7. I don't respect my dad for working hard. Wow, can we get anymore hurtful? Don't go around stuffing things down my throat assuming that I don't appreciate what my dad has done for me. Both my parents have given me a lot during this lifetime, and I can't thank them enough from the bottom of my heart. That's why I want to work so that both my dad and mom can finally retire and not worry about me.

Do you see why I don't want to go to Taiwan?

• Japanese studies

I had one of the worst tests in history. Completely failed this test. I have no idea how everyone else did, but everyone was saying that it was really hard this time. Hopefully I'll get something around 70... Although, I was surprised last test that I got an 89/100. So, I guess I'm not doing to bad in class. Though, at times I do feel a little lost especially during the reading. I think that's one thing to improve on is throroughly understand the reading. The reading isn't always the most interesting selection, but it uses all the vocabulary that they teach. I don't know how many vocabulary I've learned within this month and a half. I think I've at least learned 500 vocabulary as well as 100 kanji. I'm really happy that I've been doing well on my kanji tests. I only had one test that was a blunder, but that was because we had two kanji tests that day, and I couldn't think straight. Tomorrow I also have a kanji test. Hopefully I'll do well. Overall, I've been doing pretty well in class. I've enjoyed learning the language. The teachers are all pretty caring when it comes to trying to understand the language. They try to explain things in ways that will help us understand. I hope that I will attain at least some fluency after a year.

• Life

 Living in Japan hasn't been all that exciting as everything I do so far involves studying only. I really want to find a job. Once I get my permit for a part-time job, I'm going to go find a job right away. I've been meaning to try to go to the Origami Kaikan, but I feel a little shy to go. I will have to muster the energy to go down there with my broken Japanese and speak with people. Hopefully it will be a positive experience. So far though, most of the people that I've had some interaction with think my Japanese is pretty good so far. Even some of the old ladies that work in the restaurants I talk with are saying that my Japanese is already pretty good. Actually, it isn't. I think the biggest thing is that I'm afraid to say something wrong. I guess I just need to practice more and muster more courage to open my mouth more. I will get it down... "someday..." Err, yeah... "someday..."

• Cooking

Ok, I'll admit, I'm one of the worst cooks in history. I really do try my best to cook at home, but sometimes I feel it's difficult as I really don't know what I'm doing. I feel a little intimidated to cook because I know it's going to come out a huge fail. I guess nothing good comes out until you actually do it. The other day, I made one of the worst fried rice in history. I'll just say that my rice came out all mushy because of I had too much in the wok and put in the egg too late, so the rice soaked up all the rice. I need to get that timing down... Hopefully I'll get the hang of cooking someday because I really do like to eat. I love eating good food. I wish I could cook like the chefs in the restaurants. Mmm... must find myself a cooking class. Hmm, sounds like a good idea... maybe I can get school to find something of that sort. Japanese cooking class...

Anyway, I have spammed everyone's reading list with this insanely long post, but it's all things that I needed to get off my chest. Now I think I will sleep very well tonight!

P.S. Time is 1:45am. Started around 11:30pm... Someone shoot me >.>;;

Smokers

There's a smoker in our building. I'm ok with smokers as long as they don't do it around me, but not this person. He goes up and down the elevator with a cigarette in hand... the whole elevator smells of smoke, and it's plain disgusting. Now I feel gross and dirty with the smell of smoke. Someone needs to teach this person some manners...

Day of Randomness

So, I went today to Akiba to see what kind of computer I liked, all the computers are really expensive. I was looking at the Sony Vaio all in one because that's probably the best computer I've seen, but it costs about 2000 for both the 20in and the 24in. Now I don't know which one is better. The 24in is about 200 more than the 20in. Also, I realized that the 20in is smaller than what I first expected. I'm really leaning towards the 24in, but something is making me hold back. I'm not really sure what it is, but I'm just holding back for some odd reason. I guess I'll sleep on this...

In other news, I went to get a haircut. It's shorter now. I was so sick and tired of my hair being long and unruly, that I went to Ginza, walked into the first store that had a decent price and got my hair cut. Spent about 50 for one of their top stylists there. The director is about 70, so I might try him next time, though I'm pretty happy with the haircut that I got this time. He cut a lot of hair off because my hair is so thick. Halfway through, he blow-dried my hair and I thought he was done cutting, but actually he cut a lot more off. Now it feels so thin, but in a good kind of thin way. I was really nervous getting my haircut because my Japanese is so bad, but I was able to communicate with them a little bit. I got a small massage too, so it felt pretty good. I took some pictures of my hair, so I'll post it up when I get my new compy. I realized that I forgot to bring my sd extension, but pics will be up soon when I get compy!

Anyway, I feel pretty good about today. Oh, almost forgot to mention that I bought a new top yesterday. I liked the collar on this turtle neck, so I bought it. I think it looks good on me~. Ok, enough randomness... XD

Move or not to move....

My mom mentioned the other day whether or not I wanted to move apartments. I'm actually not sure yet. Though I live in an apartment, it still kind of feels like I'm living at a school dormitory. It just feels like a room where I sleep, eat, do my work. It doesn't feel like an actual home. It's just a regular old room with furniture already in it like at the dorm in college. I'm having a difficult time arranging the room to how I'd like it to be because there just isn't the room and the furniture to do it. I want to put in a case of some sort so that the stuff on my desk has some place to go. I'm actually quite peeved at the kitchen. I really don't have anywhere to put my stuff. My pots and tableware already take up the whole entire small shelving. I have no place for my condiments, so they're just sprawled on top of the small unit shelving I got for free from the person before me. The stove is in worse shape than I thought. It looks like the person before me burnt it to a crisp.  I don't have a corner to put my laundry stuff. Actually, doing laundry here is three times as expensive than at college. I spent 400 yen on one load of laundry. 200 yen was for the washing alone, and 200 for the drying that didn't really dry the clothes. LOL, my dad even suggested that it's ok to spend more money to wash clothes even if it's only a very very small load. Sorry Dad, that's going to cost you a fortune if I was clothes like that every week.

On the other hand, I feel like I should stick it out so that it'll save my parents money for at least a year. I feel really bad that they're paying for everything right now. They always say that money isn't an issue, but to me it is. I really can't wait to start working so that I can at least pitch in for some of the costs to live in Japan. If I do find a better place, it will cost about $200 more for the cost of the room, plus the cost of utilities. However, I am scared of moving because I will be around an array of people. They won't be students, and there isn't the security of a caretaker. I know I'm complaining about my current situation, but maybe I can make where I live work somehow... I will have to think about this for a while.

Reactions

Ok, I put up reactions. I guess I like it when people give me feedback. People don't comment so I don't know what people think, so this is just a fast way to know if you like what I write or empathize with me. The emoticons should be pretty straightforward, so let me know what you think!