Love

There are days where I feel it is completely necessary to go out and find myself a boyfriend. On other days, I feel completely satisfied that I'm single because I'm free to do whatever I want to do in life. This seems to be a never ending cycle. Actually, in my life, I don't think I've ever experienced really liking someone, which kind of brings me to believe that I will never be capable of loving someone. If I do end up loving someone, I think it would be an actual miracle... Somehow I haven't found men to be all that appealing in life, but I hope that I can find someone that I find appealing. Perhaps I'm just picky. Perhaps I am too wishful. I'll just keep dreaming...

Renewal

I think it's time that I begin to write again. My lack of updates isn't from being busy, it's because I lack the compassion to write. I could end up writing little dilly dally everyday things that happen within my life, but I will end up thinking that what I am writing  has become so superficial that writing becomes meaningless.  I find that writing should come from the heart, and that when writing comes from the heart that one's most intimate feelings are revealed. Perhaps I think a little too deeply for my own good, but it's not everyday that I get a chance to write, so I'd like to make every word count in the time that I write. Oh, and please excuse any errors I make while writing because of this tablet keyboard...

In the recent months, I have started writing Japanese calligraphy. I somehow find writing to be very rewarding despite its challenges. I always find myself to be ovecritical of what I write, which I will try to change this negativeness, but with it comes a satisfaction that I rarely find within myself. Actually, it's almost the same feeling that I get when I play music. It's that fleeting satisfaction when I know I have put in my all into writing calligraphy. It's not something that can be done half assed. Until the very end, I need to follow through until the completion. I find that in music it's the same concept, which is probably why I can connect with calligraphy. I can actually feel that my writing comes deep within me. Actually, I wonder why I don't find this kind of satisfaction when I arrange flowers. Perhaps there just isn't that connection that I feel with writing. Flower arranging is really a beautiful art, but flowers only last so long before they wither. Pehaps it's the progress within that I always search for. With calligraphy, this will always stay just like how music will always stay, but with flowers, it always feels so short lived. It's such a waste to go full force to arrange the flowers only to see them wither and all the hard work gone. There's no real progress to be seen, just an art.

I can see that this type of thinking is going to get me into trouble in life... Forever searching deep within thyself for that happiness that I don't think I have, but I actually do. When I don't feel I have happiness, I get depressed. I'm a walking roller coaster. Will I ever one day be satisfied with myself...

2010

I'm having a hard time coming up with something to write because I don't want to dive to deep into what happened this year. It's gone, so it's time to move on. However, the biggest event that still think about is my grandma passing away. It's already been 6 months, but there are times when I still can't believe she's gone. For now, I will just celebrate a new year and things to look forward.

That's all for now. Happy New Year everyone! <3

Ostomy

I don't have my bag anymore, but I certainly feel for those who still have it.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40291856/ns/travel-news

Days

Eyes awaken to cold air, still wrapped cozily
'Tis a brand new day
The change of season, the change of time
'Tis late already
Shuffle! Bang!
I chase time, for it does not wait
No time to waste
Buried with diction
Buried with syntax
For the day of judgment creeps near
Oh how nice would it be to
Concentrate!
The days, tick tock

(Ok, a little abstract, but I just wanted to try something new)

Obento

I can't help be proud of making my first bento ever. I must say, it tasted really good! I didn't make the seaweed on the very left, but I made everything else. Success!!

I will update later at length my first private lesson, but I just wanted to pop this picture in.

Hakuna Mata

Ok, not my motto, but certainly need just something to make me clear my head. (Thanks, Lion King XD)

Certainly a lack of updates lately because it'd just be me throwing fits and ranting about how depressed I was. So, I don't want to delve into that anymore because it's pointless. Though, I am feeling better, and am just going to take things as it comes. It's certainly not really a situation that I'd like, but there isn't anything much to really change it, so all I can do at the moment is learn what I can, and hope that I will be able to make something out of this. I know I've kind of secluded myself in depressing times, but I guess it's how I deal with it. I'm always grateful to those who are always there for me in these times.

I've been finding it harder to blog lately. I always wonder what I should be writing about or what to say in times like these. Life hasn't really been all that interesting to blog about, or probably I just don't want to reveal too much truth about my life. I always feel like I have to think a lot about what I want to write about that I end of not writing anything at all. Perhaps it's just timing with these types of things. Lately, I get caught in a moment, and usually want to write about it, but when that moment passes when I get home, I don't want to write about them anymore because it has already passes, so I don't want to go through the trouble of typing out every detail that happened.

Perhaps lately everything that I've been experiencing I'd like to keep to myself. I will say that it has been a very long time where I have felt I have been accepted by people. They don't shun me because I speak poor Chinese. They want me to go with them places. Most of the time when I meet people it feels like bird meets fish, and bird flies away leaving fish all by itself. However with these girls, it's not that way. Too bad the Taiwanese girl is going back in December, but it seems the girl from China is going to be staying for a while, so hopefully we'll be able to do a lot of things together. Even if we don't, I think I will cherish the time right now.

Life isn't all that bad at the moment. There is still a lot to be done and still some worries, but I'm going to take it as it comes with less anxiety. Though, not in a hakuna mata way. (Sorry, Lion King XD)